how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
