You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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