i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
