guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
