we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
