Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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