loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
