sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
