When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
