Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
