they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
