Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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