my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
