he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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