They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
