fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
