I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
