im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
please don't ironically join a cult
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