That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
