Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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