As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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