I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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