The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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