Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
