Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
