you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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