dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
