somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
