why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
