Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
