Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
