I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
