people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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