Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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