I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize