He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can you bring me the toilet please
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
