was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
