i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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