You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
