I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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