i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
