I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
