I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
