Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
