Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
