come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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