On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
