I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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