just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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