Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
