Where is the hickey?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
