i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
