did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
