I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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