Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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