Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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