atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
