This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
