so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize