This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
