She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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