good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
