I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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