I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
