I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
