we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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