Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can't motorboat a personality
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
