i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
