Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
