Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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