I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
