It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
